The Voice in the Vent: In His Own Little Corner

I woke up the other morning to a lovely rendition of, "In My Own Little Corner," sung by our very own Voice in the Vent. I thought it was particularly amusing for two reasons:

1) His own little corner was clearly not as much his own as he believed it to be, as I was sharing part of it, at least aurally. Also, another male voice interrupted him halfway through, so I was left to finish the song on my own, hoping that the vent would work as a two-way system. I don't believe it is, but mainly because whenever I say, "Bless you!" when I hear a sneeze, I have not yet gotten a "Thank you!" in return, and I prefer not to think that they're just rude.

2) I was in a severely abridged musical version of "Cinderella" when I was in 5th grade. I was the youngest in my acting class, which meant, for some reason, I had to play the old king. I still don't understand why I was cast as this part, but maybe it was because the king was supposed to be goofy, short, and clumsy, and I definitely embody those three traits. I really was annoyed that I wasn't Cinderella, though, because "In My Own Little Corner" is a lovely song and I really wanted a solo. I also wanted to kiss a prince on stage! Thinking back, though, I don't remember our prince to be all that handsome.

Thanks for the good memories, VITV! I can't wait to hear your version of, "The Lobster Quadrille" from the musical version of "Alice in Wonderland." In that one, I played the griffin - a way cooler part, indeed.

Voice in the Vent: Sound Advice

The Voice in the Vent was giving out fashion tips at 8am this morning. Overheard was the following piece of sage (or should I say lime) advice:

"Don't wear something gray! Gray matches the day. Put on something bright and colorful. That way you'll stand out!"

Free fashion tips like these? That rhyme? Yes, please! I put on a bright red sweater after hearing VITV's advice and it has done me well on this dreary day.

Thanks, VITV! And keep it coming!

Voice in the Vent Update!

I now think that the Voice in the Vent was watching this last night.



Still just as stereotypical. Also, awesome!

Voice in the Vent

"I Will Always Love You" is blasting in the VITV's room. At first I thought, "Come on, now, could you get any more stereotypical?"

Then I realized American Idol is on tonight.

The answer, of course, is no.

Voice in the Vent

Voice in the Vent (VITV): Shut up! I'm going to vote for my idol!

Unknown friend of VITV (UFOVITV): Wha?

VITV: I think I'm going to vote for Katie Stevens. She was good, right?

UFOVITV: Are you on drugs? She sounded like a sick horse answering the phone.

VITV: Whatever, I like Aaron even though he's cute, but I don't think he's going to win.

UFOVITV: Oh my God, Didi's a freak!

VITV: If I was on the show, I'd sing "Under My Thumb," which is a song (muffled) (more muffling) I'd grow like a tree but they keep chopping me down! (muffled) Under my thumb WOOO! Sing it with me! Oh my god, oh my god! (muffled) Oh! I think I'm going to stay with my alcoholic cousin at the wedding.

(incoherent shouting)

VITV (Cont): Oh my god, get the phone! Your boyfriend's calling! (singing) You're boyfriend's calling while you're at your best friend's house! Got to go be with him the whole night through!

...

... Clearly, "American Idol" + Alcohol + UFOVITV +VITV = Sing-Shouting Chaos.

Voice in the Vent

Tonight, the VITV is singing loudly (and presumably proudly) along with the Backstreet Boys.

Just thought you should know.

Voice in the Vent

The Voice in the Vent has had quite the variety of activities going on lately.

Last night, in classic VITV mode, he watched a 40s-50s era musical. Which one? I'm not sure, but it was pumped up all the way and he sang along. Quite lovely.

A few days ago I heard the moo'ing again. Now, I've determined a few possible solutions to this weird, weird conundrum:

A) He has a small child who has one of those Animal Sound Wheels where you spin the arrow and it lands on an animal and the animal makes a sound - except his is stuck on The Cow Says Moo and I have never heard a child in there...

B) He has one of those "Cows in a Cup" cups and the sound of the moo'ing delights him. It washes away the anguish of not yet being a Broadway star.

C) It's his really obnoxious cell phone ringtone, and he just doesn't get a lot of calls.

Any ideas?

PS. I keep hearing this plastic rolling, crunching noise... I think he's covered his furniture in plastic like old ladies and obsessive-compulsive cleaners.

Stomps from the Vent

UPDATE: I've now changed my position from elephants getting settled in to elephants wrestling for dominance. It's just a guess, but I have a sneaking suspicion I'm right.

Stomps from the Vent

Either someone's moving into the apartment above me or the building has suddenly expanded its pets policy from none to elephants.

Personally, I'm hoping for the elephants.

Voice in the Vent

Unsurprisingly, the horse noises are back.

Actually surprisingly, after a particularly loud sheep noise, the voice responded, "Mom?"

I don't even want to know.

Voice in the Vent

He's warming up! La la la LA la la laaaaaaa. Not bad, if a bit more operatic than Broadway, and we all know he wants to do Broadway.

Keep working on those high notes, buddy, and good luck on your audition today!

PS. If any of you see this man (recognizable by his, well, I guess just his distinctively loud-through-walls voice) and happen to be a casting director. Take him, please!

What a Wacky Day

The voice in the vent has had a pretty eclectic day today.

1) I awoke this morning to him either pleasuring someone or pleasuring himself (ick)
2) He then went on a singing spree with songs I didn't recognize
3) Friends over in the early afternoon (are they all unemployed?)
4) Right now he's listening to "In the Arms of the Angel."

While the day started off with a bang (ew), it apparently has disintegrated into a "glorious sadness." I do hope he "finds some peace tonight," but I really hope I don't have hear when he gets "in the arms of" anyone else.

Horse Trade

The whinny has been replaced by "Glee." I am appeased, but I should probably call off Animal Control...

The Voice in the Vent

A horse just whinnied through the vent.

I'm debating calling Animal Control or just hearing how this one plays out...

The Voice in the Vent

Just thought everyone should know - the VITV is doing vocal warm-ups. He has a lovely voice, really. I wonder if he's getting ready to go to an audition or to get in the shower.

Ah, just heard his shower curtain pull close. That answers that question.

The Voice in the Vent

In a vent possibly unrelated to the vent in my room (as I am currently in my living room) has been blasting 80s-'00s pop music for the past 3 hours. I don't know what he/she is up to (random dance party? Hardcore workout? Very peppy writing?), but it's making my job search much more pleasant.

The Voice in the Vent

... is currently watching "The Wizard of Oz."

I'm surprisingly fine with it. A nice way to end the day, I say.

The Voice(s) in the Vent

The next installment of what is quickly becoming a new Artful Stew series...

Thing we know about him:
1) He's definitely gay
2) He's SUPER gay
3) His friend is even gayer.

And by "super" and "gayer" I mean stereotypical. Why?

1) One of the voices (the one who doesn't live there but appears to just be over for drinks), I'll call him Guy 2, wanted to set up Guy 1 with a male choir singer who he's "known of... for a while"
2) Guy 2 is going to the Jersey Shore for a vacay Tues-Thurs, and he's going to spend the weekend in Fire Island (a notoriously gay hot spot due to its fiery temper and hot, hot men, I assume). Guy 1 is "filled with envy" because he can't go.
3) Guy 2 tells Guy 1 that he's a "social butterfly" who will find something to do. After all, they did just go to a "gorgeous ball" the night before. So there!
4) Guy 2 laughs the whole thing off that his trip is just to please a guy he dated for a while after high school.
5) Guy says, "Ugh, I've never had a boyfriend... (LONG PAUSE)... for that long"

Poor Guy 1! He's too busy working from home and singing along to Wicked to find the love of his life! As his vent-mate, I feel the need to help.

Anyone know any eligible bachelors? I've drawn up a personal ad:

Male, late 20s, friendly, talented singer with loud personality. Always there for his friends, like he's talking to you even if you're in another room! Looking for male partner with sizeable apartment fit for two. Loves sleepovers in exotic locations (anywhere but his room)!
If interested, please email: WickedisLife@gmail.com

The Voice in the Vent

As I sit in my room chilling out after an extensive (but overall rewarding) job interview, the Voice in the Vent (male, mid-30s, unknown sexual orientation) is

1) Singing a song, I believe of his own writing, a capella
2) Ranting about a JFK conspiracy
3) Noting, as though it's obvious, that it's Kristin Chenoweth's birthday today
4) Noting the stock market (apparently the Dow is up)
5) Robots.

If you will recall, this is the same (unemployed? Odd-houred employed? Home-employed?) guy who was singing Wicked the other week. I want to know - what does this guy do? And who is he on the phone with?

*Update, he just said, "Don't ask about my sexual orientation, Judy" and started singing again, this time while on the phone.