You Know You're Not Working Hard Enough When...

... a Twitter account gets a CBS sitcom and you can't break 20 regular blog readers.

Team, we need to step it up a notch. Since I'm not very creative (obvs) I feel like if I just jam together all the things on the Internets that are making money nowadays we can really make start raking in the green. It's like adaptation for blogging, by blogging.

1) Obtain a wacky relative

2) Become a quirky foodie and attempt to make all of Rachel Ray's 30-Minute-Meals in one year

3) Read one (real! live!) newspaper a day for a year

4) Draw a stick figure comic all about love, life, and the nerdy, technical mishaps of playing with one's iPod Touch

5) Sell out 1 : sell my forehead for advertising and post one YouTube video a day wherein I wear the forehead accoutrement and say something that would be boring if I didn't have a silly slogan plastered above my eyebrows

6) Sell out 2: get a company like Tums to sponsor my blog and then constantly talk about the amazing heartburn relief I've been having lately

7) Post pictures of yummy sprinkles every day

8) Post pictures of adorable sea monkeys every day

9) Post pictures of disgusting-in-a-funny-way vats of lard

10) Hire a TISCH student as an intern to ghost-write my blog for me

What could go wrong?

Squirrelpocalypse Now: The Coming of the Squirrelmageddon

They've infiltrated our sports - and just listen to what the commentator says - how could he have learned the army crawl if he hasn't been training with his squirrel legions for a massive worldwide takeover? Riddle me that, America!

SHOUT OUT!

Comedy Festival Shmamedy Shmestival, that's my friend Michael!!!!

He made it!!... To the Comedy Central Insider's Blog's video about the NY Comedy Festival that he's blogging about for Caroline's (you can read all about him on michaelsmoleskin.blogspot.com or the Caroline's blog, whatever that is).

So go to about 1.5 min in to see him! He's the guy in the back with the green camera looking giddy to be standing so close to famous funnies. No worries, M-dogs, you, too, will be a famous funny someday. Here's hoping it's someday soon so I can ride your coattails to glory.

PS. CCIB's embed code is f'd in the a, so here's the link. Go to there!

Sesame Street + Google = Bugle?

From the Official Google Blog...

Of course, what I, as a former-math-nerd, was hoping for was an elaborate song about the noun "googol" as opposed to the verb "I google" (which I suppose for Cookie Monster's sake meant that he "googles" his eyes around because he as "googly" eyes. Though I'm not sure about that usage grammatically, it is always fun seeing him throw his eyes around like that). There wasn't even any mention of a "googolplex" or 1 x 10^100 (10^googol), my favorite number as a child, before Google even existed and hijacked the spelling.

Personally, I blame Google for my loss of interest in the mathematical world. I got so confused after "googol" became "Google" that I refused to deal with it anymore. So there you go, Google, thanks a lot. I coulda been a contender, a mathlete contender!

Awww...

Sometimes I love the world. I was just about to type in "How do you know if an apple has gone bad" because I wasn't sure about the one I was biting into, but in my handy Google search bar the suggestions were:

1. How do you know if a guy likes you

2. How do you know if a girl likes you

3. How do you know if your (grammar!!) pregnant (ick)

4. How do you know if you are in love? (AWWWW)

5. How do you know if you are pregnant (I like how poor grammar supersedes good grammar)

6. How do you know if your in love (GRAMMAR!)

7. How do you know when you are ovulating

8. How do you know if you love someone

9. How do you know when you are in love

10. How do you know if a boy likes you

I love that every single one of those has to do with the opposite sex, and that 4 out of 10 had the word "love" in them. Awww, world.

I Don't Want to Live on the Moon

One of my favorite songs from Sesame Street. If I could, I'd fall asleep to this every night, just to remind myself to be happy where I am, with the people I love.

You can watch it/search for it here at Sesamestreet.org.

Great Moments from "Ghostbusters"

1. Back off, man, I'm a scientist.

2. Listen! Do you smell something?

3. Are you serious about catching ghosts? - I'm always serious.

4. You've never been out of college! You don't know what it's like in the private sector - they expect you to produce things!

5. I believe we were destined to get thrown out of this dump (Columbia)!

6. Calm down, everyone has 3 mortgages nowadays.

7. I just worked out, see, I tape the 20 minute workout and then play it back at twice the speed so it only takes 10 minutes. It's a great workout.

8. Do you have any hobbies? - I collect spores, molds, and fungus.

9. Hey! It's Ray! I'm with Venkman! He got slimed! - That's great, Ray.

10. Don't cross the streams.

11. Nice shooting, Tex.

12. We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!

13. (Not a quote) Ray has a dream that a ghost gives him a BJ!? How did I miss that as a kid?

14. If there's a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe anything you say.

15. (Not a quote) I love that the bad guy is a dude from the EPA. Ha! As if they have any power.

16. (Not a quote) Staypuft is introduced in the 1st and 2nd scene with Dana - they're right next the incredible, edible, exploding eggs. Neat, huh?

17. I'm going to bring this up at the next tenants' meeting - there are not supposed to be any pets in the building! (also, Louis' accountant lingo when he introduces people to the party and to the food is hilarious - salmon from Novia Scotia for only $14.95 - that's amazing!)

18. You are so kind to take care of that man. You're a real humanitarian. - I don't think he's human (Egon).

19. I've seen TV, I know you can't come in here without a warrant or a writ or something.

20. (not a quote) LOVE how smoggy NYC was in the 80s. Seriously, it's like people were breathing garbage.

21. She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's my client and she sleeps above her covers - 4 feet about above her covers!

22. I gotta split. The mayor wants to rap with me about some things.

23. Yes, it's true. This man has no dick (scuffle) well that's what I heard!

24. Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria!

25. If I'm right, you, Lenny, will have saved the lives of millions of registered voters.

26. (Venkman to Peck(er))I'm gonna get you a nice fruit basket. I'm gonna miss him!

27. When we get to the 20s (floor) tell me. I'm gonna throw up.

28. Ok, so... she's a dog.

29. When someone asks you if you're a god, you say yes!

30. I tried to think of the most harmless thing... Mr. Staypuft.

31. Nobody steps on a church in my town!

32. We've been going about this all wrong. This Mr. Staypuft's ok. He's a sailor. He's in New York. We get this guy laid we won't have any trouble.

33. You're going to endanger our client, the nice lady who paid us in advance before she turned into a dog.

34. (not a quote) The shot of the incinerating marshmallow man, and the subsequent dropping of goo on top of Mr. Peck(er).

35. I feel like the floor of a taxi cab.

36. Ugh, it smells like BBQ'd dog hair. Oh, oh, Venkman, I'm sorry, I forgot.

37. Go check on that little guy!

38. Boy, the superintendent's going to be pissed.

39. We're the Ghostbusters. - Who does your taxes? - We'd like to get a sample of your brain tissue - Ok.

40. Let me tell you something, busting makes me feel good. (from the song)