Yes, yes, they are going to kill us all. Just look at this "ravenous" (Serious Eats' word, not mine) beast - it's absolutely batsh*t crazy. You can see it in the tail.
However, we may have had a breakthrough in how we can avoid (or soften the blow) of the Squirrelpocalypse. How?
Shake Shack induced Type 2 Squirrel Diabetes. Look at that little demon - it's so clearly addicted to the Shack. It needs its fix, and if we give it to it, it will die marginally sooner than its already short lifespan.
If we employ this technique en masse, we can drop the average squirrel's lifespan from 3 years to 2. Even better, they'll spend their entire lives lusting after our fatty, sugary treats, so hypnotized, so entranced by peanut butter custard and shackburgers that they'll forget all about their plans for world domination.
Now we just have to get Shake Shack in on the deal. Who's good at PR? Also aggressivly persuading people to believe your conspiracy theories? Anyone? Anyone?
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