Tourists, You Can Leave Now

Ok, tourists*, we get it. You come to New York to see Ground Zero. You get emotional because here America was attacked. Except it isn't your America because you can't stand the rest of the island and you haven't even heard of the other boroughs. Well here's a spoiler alert: Ground Zero wasn't part of your America before it became Ground Zero. It was just another place. Really it's like your America wasn't even attacked at all. So get over it and leave.

Why?

- We don't care about anyone else but us. If people want to build a strip club next to our apartments, we don't care. If they want to build a mosque, we don't care. As long as they keep noise down at night, we don't care. And even then, we only passive-aggressively care
- We're liberal. Even our conservatives are more liberal than you guys. Even our crazy homeless veterans who have severe, untreated PTSD and think they're Nixon reincarnated are more liberal than you guys. And we like it that way.
- We care more about the dust and toxic chemicals that got into the 9/11's victims and rescue workers' chests than their feelings about a mosque which are, by the way, the same as ours - they don't care. We don't really care about feelings in general. Especially not yours because you don't live here and you don't know shit.
- Be honest, you hate us. You hate all of us liberal, myriad-of-religions, private-property-respecting New Yorkers. You hated us before 9/11 and you hate us now, nine years later.

So leave us alone. Get out and stay out. Ok?

Because if shit like this (yes, like stabbing a cab driver because he says he's Muslim) keeps happening, I'm going to have to kick you out myself.

*Disclaimer: if you're here visiting family or just to see a Broadway show or checking it out in case you want to live here, you're cool.