Expectations VS Reality: Not as Simple as They Seem

Hip hip hooray! Allie at Hyperbole and a Half has a new comic out!

Expectations VS Reality

When I was a little kid and we took a family trip to the movie store I would read all the back covers of horror films and stare at the pictures for like, 10 minutes, and then have nightmares about them that night. Why did I do it? I have no idea, but I cried during the trailer for "Snow Dogs" so I really shouldn't be allowed to watch anything scarier/sadder than that.

Also, I have discovered that my brain has no knowledge of what my body is doing or where in space it is at any given time, so any and all of my movements are subject to tripping, falling, hitting, or bumping. But I still love to climb over fences. Who doesn't?

Puppy = Cute, Name = Wrong

Ok, as cute as this puppy he is, his human parents got it all wrong. They say his name is Shadeaux. What are you, French? No, no, that's spelled Shadow. He's a dog, not a child, and if he was a child he'd never learn how to spell his name. I get that he's from Louisiana and you think that's French enough to spell his name wrong, but it's not. You tell him to sit, to stay? Yeah, that's English. If he understands English, he deserves an English name.

Deal with it.

But isn't he so cute!?! Look at his little ears all flipped back and crooked!

Tourists, You Can Leave Now

Ok, tourists*, we get it. You come to New York to see Ground Zero. You get emotional because here America was attacked. Except it isn't your America because you can't stand the rest of the island and you haven't even heard of the other boroughs. Well here's a spoiler alert: Ground Zero wasn't part of your America before it became Ground Zero. It was just another place. Really it's like your America wasn't even attacked at all. So get over it and leave.

Why?

- We don't care about anyone else but us. If people want to build a strip club next to our apartments, we don't care. If they want to build a mosque, we don't care. As long as they keep noise down at night, we don't care. And even then, we only passive-aggressively care
- We're liberal. Even our conservatives are more liberal than you guys. Even our crazy homeless veterans who have severe, untreated PTSD and think they're Nixon reincarnated are more liberal than you guys. And we like it that way.
- We care more about the dust and toxic chemicals that got into the 9/11's victims and rescue workers' chests than their feelings about a mosque which are, by the way, the same as ours - they don't care. We don't really care about feelings in general. Especially not yours because you don't live here and you don't know shit.
- Be honest, you hate us. You hate all of us liberal, myriad-of-religions, private-property-respecting New Yorkers. You hated us before 9/11 and you hate us now, nine years later.

So leave us alone. Get out and stay out. Ok?

Because if shit like this (yes, like stabbing a cab driver because he says he's Muslim) keeps happening, I'm going to have to kick you out myself.

*Disclaimer: if you're here visiting family or just to see a Broadway show or checking it out in case you want to live here, you're cool.

I'm a Twenty-Something

This NY Times article seems to just be a fancy way of saying "Your 20s suck but also rock."

...

To quote a word a term from my not-quite-over-apparently-childhood, "Duh."

Meyers-Briggs Personality Test: One Year Later

It's been a year since I took the Meyers-Briggs Personality Test, so I did it again!

I haven't changed too much. Where I was slightly extroverted last year I'm slightly introverted this year and where I was slightly intuitive last year I'm slightly sensing this year. Otherwise, I'm still feeling and judging all the way!

Here's my new profile:

Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging

Remember that you can take the test, too! It's supposed to make you more aware of where you stand how that can benefit your life. Plus, it makes you think about where your pitfalls may be and how to avoid them.

Also, if you're on the border like I am, check out what the other side of the coin is. I think I was more Introverted/Sensing because I took the test while I was at work today, when last year I took the test while I was home. Keep it in mind!

Have fun!

A Day in the Life: Obama... courtesy of Vanity Fair

Check out this great article on the White House and how Obama's life works right now from Vanity Fair.

I know, I know, it's really super long, and I admit it took me about a week to read it during my lunch breaks at work, but it's really good and very insightful.

Disclaimer: the reporter is clearly a fan of Obama (or at least someone who respects what he is doing), but I felt that it was a nice viewpoint to read from for this article. I think the reporter really gets how difficult the presidency must be and how hard Obama works. I certainly get it a lot better now, too.

Enjoy!

A Nice Way to Start Your Friday: Words

A short film made by Will Hoffman and Daniel Mercandante with the help of NPR and Radiolab. Enjoy!

New Simon's Cat Cartoon!

Gotta love Simon's Cat. Look, he's back! In a BOX!



Let the sighs of adorableness commence.

Elephant Philosophy

On the way to work today I was thinking about how few animals really sit instead of just standing or lying down (think: cats, dogs, and meerkats but not horses, cows, or alligators). Then I got to elephants and I thought, "elephants probably can't sit," but I kept thinking I had seen an image of an elephant sitting...

Then I realized I was thinking of Shep from "George of the Jungle."

This is how my mind works.

Sarah Don't Speak for Me!

Just read an article about this campaign, "Sarah Doesn't Speak for Me." And no, it's not about Sarah Jessica Parker and her portrayal of Carrie Bradshaw in the smash series "Sex and the City" and the lackluster movies "Sex and the City (2)", though SJP also doesn't really speak for me, either. I don't care how big a part of the show fashion was, that girl could not dress herself.

We're talking about Sarah Frickin' Palin and her "Mama Grizzlies" campaign. Pretty much the dumbest thing ever (if you haven't watched the campaign video, don't. It will make you destroy your computer monitor and then you'd have to buy a new one. And no, I'm not providing a link because I refuse to link to something so idiotic unless it involves puppies.). But here is the video for "Sarah Doesn't Speak for Me." It's pretty cute.



"Sarah Doesn't Speak for Me" is a campaign run by "Emily's List," a group that endorses pro-choice women Democrats, against SP's campaign by providing vocal and financial support for women's-rights supporting Democratic politicians as well as trying to reveal the true stances and positions of SP's Mama Grizzlies.

A choice quote from one of SP's politicians, "We're not going to cry 'emergency' every time we have a Katrina." That's a great idea! When hundreds of people are being washed away in a flood, let's not rescue them. This is America, and in America we believe in the freedom to defend yourself against the violent throws of a non-climate-changing nature without any help from anyone else. That's the free market for you.

So, if you're interested in protecting women's rights or just don't like SP, check out "Sarah Doesn't Speak for Me." And stay classy, readers!

Echo! The Cutest Mixed Breed I Ever Did See!

Echo reminds me of the puppy in the 1991 classic Bingo. That was just about the wackiest, totally adorablest dog movie out there before Air Bud came along and stole all its glory.

Happy Birthday, Steve Martin!

Born Standing Up is my favorite memoir (out of the grand total of about 2 that I have read), and The Jerk has got to be one of my favorite movies of all time. I so love Steve Martin that I named my Muppet after him. I'm just saying.

This article about him from Neotorama sums my fangirl adoration up pretty well. Enjoy!

PS. Oh, right, and Happy Birthday to my brother, as well!

Squirrelmageddon: Squirrelpocalypse Now

Thanks to the brave hero/revolutionary filmmaker Mark Svoboda, we now know squirrels' one weakness: eating corn in an orderly, spiral-like manner.

A Clockwork Corn from Mark Svoboda on Vimeo.

Now if only we can harness this technology to destroy them. I'm thinking some sort of spiny corn device should do the trick.

Stay strong, readers! Those conniving rodents will get their comeuppance one day soon... very soon.

Stuff Mom Never Told You Reading List

Stuff Mom Never Told You Reading List

Check it out. It's insanely long, but has a lot of good ideas. I know I'll be keeping it in my back pocket for a while in case I ever need any book ideas or just want to re-read an old classic.

And if you don't have a clue as to what I'm talking about, check out the Stuff Mom Never Told You podcast at HowStuffWorks.

You go, ladies!

Eliza Skinner as Every White Girl in a Tyler Perry Movie

Hilarious. I'm no fan of Tyler Perry, but I am a huge fan of this audition.

Proof Positive: The Western Diet Blows (out good bacteria)

This study compares the diets and amount of healthy gut bacteria in children from Burkina Faso in Africa against Italian children eating a Western diet. Needless to say, the African children had a lot more of the good bacteria and a lot less of the bad bacteria. They were also leaner and suffered less from irritable bowel syndrome.

Anyone up for a veggie stir fry?

The Expendables Trailer: First Draft

My sketch group, Chinese Food Alliance, has put out another hilarious video! This time we're parodying The Expendables, a silly action movie coming out next week.

The Expendables Trailer: First Draft from Chinese Food Alliance on Vimeo.

The trailer is NOT expendable. Check it out! Now with even more guns in drawers.

Think it's super funny? Vote for it on Funny or Die!

Your Touching Story of the Week

I thought what I had to go through was tough, but Marie-Eve Chainey proves what real endurance and strength are.

Hilarious Blog!

Just found out about the CAPTCHArt. It's based on those annoying random word generator tests that you have to fill in to prove you're not a robot on the internet. These are pictures illustrating them. While clearly there's not a lot of artistic talent going into them, it's still funny.

My favorite so far is Matrix Pita.

The Windowfarms Project

This seems really neat. I think if I ever get an apartment with a real window (instead of one that looks onto another building, I'll try it out. You can check it out here.