Thursday, December 31, 2009

Funny Shout Out!

Watch this hilarious sketch by Landline TV starring my sketch teacher, Michael Delaney. He's so funny. He did this voice (at the time not attributed to Joe Lieberman) in our class once. I'm very happy it ended up in a sketch for all the world to laugh at. Enjoy!



Happy New Year, Everyone! Have a safe and healthy one!

PS. Over 10 posts in one day? And they aren't totally lame? Heck yeah! I win at life.

OMG Christmas Cuteness

No, I did not watch the Oprah at the White House Christmas Special, but I did catch a glimpse of Bo on a clip they showed on the Daily Show and had to investigate. Here he is looking so cute! And Michelle Obama talks to Bo just like my mom talks to Sunny! Unfortunately, their player's embed code is being weird, so just click on the snowy picture below to watch and enjoy!



PS. Don't you love how adamant Michelle is that Bo "does not need a friend"? Hilarious.

Jeff Corwin: Actually an Important Person? Who Knew?

I never used to take Jeff Corwin seriously as a naturalist or anything else (he's so goofy and awkward!), but anyone who can take his daughter saying (straight up) "Daddy, you failed" and do something about it has got to be heard. Especially when he's tackling a problem like extinction.

When his new documentary about extinction, 100 Heartbeats, airs, I'm definitely DVR'ing it, and maybe, just maybe, reading the accompanying book.

Nature's Getting Raunchy

The Sex Wars of Ducks

Apparently, people don't just get Nature's "premium" content for the articles.

Surprise! Sometimes Facebook Doesn't Suck

A lot of people have been dissing Facebook lately for their lackluster privacy policies and proliferation of undesirable pictures of ourselves when we got a little too tipsy at the holiday party.

But a few good things have come of the website (besides stalking your high school friend that's working for NASA so you can pretend you're that cool, too). In this case, a pretty amazing 20something guy donates his kidney to his friend's dad. Get ready to get your "awww" on when you read this little bit of heartwarming holiday cheer.

Scientific American is Trying to Ruin My Relationship

Scientific American is trying to bribe me into buying their magazine by promising me that they can Help (Me) Fall and Stay in Love and make sure I'm one of the Happy Couples who know all the Secrets to a Long Marriage.

First, they give me these headlines - promises, indeed! Then, they let me read a preview that assures me that, yes, they do have the answers but stops before they tell me any of them.

And then? Do I get to read it? NO! They want me to buy the magazine first. Absurd!

The bastards. What are my boyfriend and I supposed to do now? Figure it out for ourselves!? We're not that smart! And we don't have enough money to buy your fancy scientific magazine!

So why do half of all marriages end in divorce? Because Scientific American is a magazine filled with greedy, greedy love secret hoarders.

UPular

Thanks for /Film for showcasing this great UP remix by Pogo. Just watch and enjoy (and then go see UP again!)

Health Care Reform: Explained


Thanks to the Wonk Room for this easy to understand chart explaining Health Care Reform at its most basic. Also, love that not-so-subtle Red VS Blue colors...

New Year's Party Tricks!

If I was going to a party tonight (which would mean I would have friends), I would totally do some of these tricks. I especially like the pouring CO2 on candles thing - gas is real! Even if you can't see it! Pretty neat stuff. Enjoy!

Otter Chaos

Otters. The most adorable reason for flight delays EVER.

Oregon, It's Oreg-ON!

While I'm happy that we're building the biggest wind farm ever, one that will power 10% of California (and California is very large), I can't believe Oregon's the state that's doing it!

Come on, Texas, we're the largest wind producers in the world and we're letting Oregon - the state of mountaineering hippies - beat us!? Nuh uh, no way.

Texas, get on this and beat the crap out of that pansy Oregon, or you'll lose all of your badass credibility.

Fortunately, though, we all know that Texans are too stubborn to lose in business, so their battle to beat out Oregon will result in an even bigger wind farm, which will lead Oregon to build an even bigger wind farm, and thus the Renewable Energy Race will inevitably power all of America!

And that's how we'll do it - not because we care about the environment, but because Texans care about saving face.

See What I'm Talking About?



Sunny = Cute Explosion!

I Want One!

I just got back from Dallas and had to say goodbye to my puppy, Sunny (pictures to come later), but thankfully I stumbled upon Emma, the Goldendoodle Daily Puppy from a few days ago. In a very rare case indeed, every single picture is super star adorable.



Now if only I could steal her and bring her back to Dallas to play with Sunny, we'd have the cutest play date ever!

Break's Over, Baby

I've been on a personal hiatus the past two weeks, but I'm back, readers, because it's the end of 2009 and I'll be darned if I don't have 31 posts for December.

So get ready for a flood of posts in your Google Reader, because Artful Stew is Back in Action and ready to catch up.

Happy New Year's Eve, everyone!

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everyone! I've been on a little wintry break back home in Big D, but I'll catch up in a few days, no worries.

Have a great day, Readers!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Happy News for the Holidays

Nice Begets Nicer

See? There are still nice people in the world. Thanks to Liz and Neatorama for pointing this out!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

What the What!? Kidneys be Krazy

So, of course, now the kidney community is fighting over how to pay for extending Medicare coverage from 36 months to forever for kidney transplant patients. Just a reminder, as stated in the NY Times article, our drugs without coverage run from $1000 - $3000 a month and many people lose their transplants when faced with covering those costs by themselves.

The basic gist is that dialysis supporters believe the provisions in the bill undercut the provisions that protect and cover dialysis patients. Of course, the flip side is that transplant patients right now don't have nearly the coverage or support that dialysis patients get. Also, many detractors are people who are funded by dialysis corporations and lobbies, and, of course, they would not want to make their machines or centers any cheaper or more efficient, so naturally they would detract from anything that asks them to change their ways (possibly one of many reasons why the safer, more effective at-home dialysis is so sparsely given as treatment right now).

What do I think? I think that while the payment method may not be as beneficial as the alternate proposed method (extending the wait time for kidney patients to enroll in Medicare who also have private insurance), it is much better than the amendment not getting into the bill at all. The fact of the matter is, is that this amendment will save money (upwards of $100 million dollars over the next decade) and, more importantly, save lives. There's absolutely no reason not to pass it.

Meanwhile, let's all keep in mind that people who get cancer, heart disease, and other potentially deadly illness don't get Medicare coverage whatsoever, so we, as transplant recipients, should feel lucky that we get what we do. More importantly, we should recognize that all of these disease sufferers should get the same beneficial treatment that we do, which is exactly what Congress had planned when they (Republicans and Democrats) passed the bill for our coverage back in the 70s. Just something to think about.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Brothers in Kidneys

Grizz, from 30 Rock, is in trouble. He needs a transplant just like I did! However, his condition is due to hypertension and now he needs to lose 75 lbs to qualify to even be on the transplant wait list - ugh! Fortunately, Dot Com has vowed to lose one pound for every 10 that Grizz loses - what a good friend.

I think it's really amazing that he has the strength to go to dialysis three times a week and still act on the show every week. I hope he loses those 75 lbs soon and gets the transplant he needs.

Team Grizz!

... Do you guys think "Kidney Now" was in reference to this situation? Or just a coincidence?

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Working on my Night Cream

Alright, here we go, world, what about -

Professional puppy photographer by day... and professional ice cream maker by night? How's that sound?

MILKMADE: NYC's NEW Sustainable Ice Cream Makers, Hand-delivering to Your Door from SkeeterNYC on Vimeo.

Time Travelin' Stew: 1st Stop - Ancient Greece

Combine this with this and ancient Greece is starting to look even more batsh*t crazy than I thought it was (and I read A LOT of batsh*t crazy Greek works in college).

Sorry, Disney, but I think Hercules had a lot more to do than "go the distance" unless that distance was to kill a Kracken and then kinkily do it with a part-boy-ox-lady-cloud. I'm just sayin'...

Friday, December 11, 2009

Hei! So(weird accent over the o)ber!

This has got to be one of the weirdest pop culture remakes ever to come out of Estonia, right behind their reimagining of "WALL-E" in post-dinosaur apocalypse Indonesia.



Thanks to The Daily What for the tip.

Things I Like About Dallas: Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner

1) Peggy Sue BBQ/Dickey's BBQ: These are two classic Dallas BBQ places. Peggy Sue is right next to JD's Chippery, and Dickey's is a popular franchise, so there are a ton of locations. They're both low-down, classless places, which of course makes them totally delicious and awesome.

2) Bubba's: Down the street from Peggy Sue, BEST FRIED CHICKEN EVER. No ifs, ands, or buts. Simply the best, and it's super cheap. Plus, you can get a ton of delicious sides: the rolls, mashed potatoes, and green beans are legendary (I don't eat the green beans because I don't like green beans, but I hear good things).

3) Jack's Burger House: Next door to Bubba's, best burger/fries/shake combo this side of $3. Something special in the spices makes these burgers the best. Of course, I'm not a HUGE fan of wacky spices, so I actually prefer a different place, but the shakes are so thick you have to eat them with a spoon and the fries are crispy and perfect. So if you're tight on the dough, this is the place to go. However...

4) Who's Who Burgers: In the Highland Park Village, Who's Who has the best quality/tasting burgers. They're bigger than Jack's, but the buck is big. Generally you're running $8-10 a burger - eep! - but totally worth it if you want something extra tasty, and the meat is Kobe beef, so it's the best and the cows are treated well. Also the veggie burger and turkey burger are both great! I've had many a turkey burger in this great city of ours, and I simply cannot find a t-burger better than theirs.

5) Mi Cocina: Just down the block from Who's Who, it is the absolute best Tex-Mex you're ever going to eat, so enjoy it! (Enough said)

6) The Highland Park Pharmacy (again): Seriously, get the grilled cheese (and I hear the pimento cheese is solid, too).

7) Original House of Pancakes: great breakfast place that closes at 2:30 in the afternoon. There are not a lot of diners or places that specialize in a breakfast-all-day menu (besides IHOP or Denny's, which don't count because they're terrible and big chains) in Dallas, so this place really stands out as a winner - solid waffles and pancakes, even better egg dishes.

Things I Like About Dallas: Dessert

I've been going home a lot recently, Thanksgiving, a funeral, and the upcoming Christmas spectacular that begins next Saturday - get ready, family! Despite all my treks to the southland, though, I haven't said much about it and its many wonders. Here is a brief list (minus all of my friends and family that I get to visit, of course!).

First Up: Dessert!

1) Mustang Donuts: so named for being right next to SMU (Southern Methodist University) whose mascot is the Mustang, and for selling donuts. About a two-three min drive from my house, this spot sells the absolute tastiest donuts that I've ever eaten anywhere. New York has nothing on these fried little bites of heaven. My favorite? The Mustang White Cream - a donut filled with Mustang's own white icing - not pudding - icing. Just be warned: it closes at noon (like any real donut place) and may hold too much tastiness for one sitting.

2) JD's Chippery: Right around the corner from Mustang (literally), is JD's, which makes the best store-bought cookies ever, I think. I specify store-bought because out of familial ties I must say that my dad's homemade cookies (oatmeal, chocolate-chip, pecan) are the best cookies of all time. But JD's are great, freshly baked right there, and sometimes I get a Cherry Limeade to go with it - but that depends on how much sugar you can handle because they always put SO MUCH syrup in it! Yummy but also terrible for your teeth. My favorites: the oatmeal chocolate-chip, the snickerdoodles, and the milk chocolate-chip.

3) Pokey-O's: Also three minutes from my house, but in a slightly different direction than JD's and Mustang, Pokey-O's is an ice cream sandwich place - yes, just ice cream sandwiches all day, everyday. They make ice cream sandwiches daily from delicious, freshly baked cookies (of your choice, I generally go for chocolate-chip here, too), and then stuffed with a mound of Blue Bell ice cream - a classic ice cream made only in 17 states but also the 3rd most bought brand, so there you go. This store is new to Dallas, I think only since the summer after freshmen year of college, but it's pretty darn delicious.

4) Paciugo: Gelato made by an Italian with ingredients imported from Italy - having eaten the real stuff, I am fully qualified to say it's just as good. DARN good. Tons of flavors to choose from and you get to put three (3!) different flavors in the small size (which is big enough, let me tell you). My favorites: Stratiacella, Chocolate chocolate chip, Banana with Nilla Wafers. I never go for the sorbet because I'm just not that kind of girl, but I hear it's fantastic.

5) The Highland Park Pharmacy: About 10 min from home, best grilled cheese and shake combo EVER. You've got to split the shakes, though, because they're massive, so I hope you're ready for that. But, mmm mmm, it's always a great decision. And it's totally awesome because it literally has not changed since like, 1950, so it's totally old and dirty and the ladies that work there are super old and have been there since who knows when. So fun.

My New Profession


Alright, world, how about this - can I be a professional puppy photographer? Clearly it's a realistic line of work, as there's no way Milo here wasn't photographed by a professional.

Seriously, those are better than my high school yearbook pictures... Then again, that's not saying much.

... And yes, I was serious earlier, I honestly will make any excuse to put adorable puppies on this blog. Hmm, maybe I can start trying out my professional puppy-photography skills out on my puppy Sunny. We will see...

Bella!


So this is that Bella that I've hearing all about in the entertainment world.

Well, I certainly can believe she earned hundreds of millions at the box office the weekend her movie came out.

...And yes, I will make any excuse to put a puppy on this blog.

Nate's Cartoons - Still Going Strong!

A few months ago, I posted about Nate's Cartoons, the new comic from a young up-and-coming comedian and artist in New York.

I thought he deserved an updated shout out. Now he has a regular schedule and is posting a brand new comic Monday - Friday - wow! That's even more than popular webcomic xkcd! Even better, as always, Nate's Cartoons is listed under my "Other Linguistic Linguines" section, so his cartoons are just one click away from your beloved Artful Stew.

Here is today's cartoon, a bitter satire on the plight of fruits, comedy, and unfortunate coincidence in this nation.



Enjoy!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

A Sad Day

I'm sorry I haven't been posting the past few days. We all lost a great man, though some of you may not know much about him. Here's just a little bit...

A Few Words about Henry S. Miller, Jr.

He did much more than any amount of articles could explain, but this was a nice start. He even made the front page of the Dallas Morning News.

He was a much-loved son, father, grandfather, great-grandfather, and man, and he will be missed.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Life Mimics Art

Or, in this case, sketch comedy.

Pig's Toots Freak Out Town

Personally, I think Chowdah's sketch was funnier, but if we had added a pig into the mix, too, we would have knocked 'em out of the park.

Speaking of knocking them out of the park, that's exactly what Chowdah's going to do at their holiday special tonight at 10 PM! Go see the show! It's going to kick bootattay.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Robots Squirrelpocalypse: Coming of the Robosquirrelmaggedon


This is adorable.



This is terrifying.

Mr. James Corbett, sir, while I respect your design aesthetic, please stop creating monsters that will initiate the squirrel revolt and destroy us all. Seriously, they're organized and devious enough as it is - stop giving them ideas!

Who doesn't want to be an otter?

Just in case you guys haven't seen this yet...



Feel free to thank me for making your week.

Also, come on, how great would it to be an otter? Besides my distaste for fish and other seafood, I'd love it.

Save Parks and Recreation!

Ratings have been down, and we all had our doubts about its awesomeness in the first place, but if any of you are still unconvinced about how great "Parks and Recreation" is now, then just start watching this season - it's brilliant.

Oh, and read this article which basically states that but in a much smarter-slash-more-analytical way.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Squirrelpocalypse Now: Coming of the Squirrelmageddon

Man's best friend tried to warn us, but the enemy has grown too strong.



"A bit of a reputation for a vicious streak" - clearly this journalist has not been reading my blog. All Artful Stew readers know this is normal behavior for a squirrel, the criminally insane, hyper-aggressive, adrenaline junkies they are.

Personally, I think this was a freak attack, an outsider, and this squirrel will be punished by its superiors - not for attacking, no, but for letting the news of the attack get out. The last thing THEY want us to know is just how powerful they are. And if a dog like this can't take one down, there isn't much hope left for the rest of us.

Who Knew?

These are the original puggles*.



*For those not in the breed-lingo know, a "puggle" is a popular term for a pug+beagle puppy. The original puggles, as seen in this... adorable (?) photo, are actually baby echidnas. Check them out at Neatorama or Zoo Borns.

A Splash of Happy News

Courtesy of USA Today and Neatorama, I bring you a tale (tail!) of the unbreakable bond between human and animal, and the strength and endurance of our fuzzy friends in the face of insurmountable odds (and in this case, the Great White North, or, at least, winds therefrom).

Kitty Popsicle Melts in Warm Towels and the Arms of Shelter Volunteers, Lives to Lick Another Day

Almost as heart-warming as diving into a basket of freshly dried laundry.

Muppeting the Rounds

I know this has been making the rounds, but, come on, it's just too good to not post.

Have I ever mentioned my undying love for all things muppet? I guess it goes along with my whole obsession with childhood-nostalgia-Pixar-animation-etc, but still - muppets = magic. Just watch and enjoy.

Puppy Love





I love this puppy when he's playing - when he's pouty - when he's messy - when he's wet - even when he's muddy. I love this puppy for all that he is. Good ol' fashioned puppy love.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Stomps from the Vent

UPDATE: I've now changed my position from elephants getting settled in to elephants wrestling for dominance. It's just a guess, but I have a sneaking suspicion I'm right.

TV Dramas

Here are the reasons why I dislike watching TV dramas:

1. Once I watch one, I have to watch them all.

2. They can be super duper depressing, especially if I watch them all at once (which is what I tend to do).

3. If I do start watching them once a week like I'm supposed to, I think about them for the whole week, finding it very difficult to disassociate myself from the world in which the drama inhabits.

For example, I watched the entire first season of "Dexter" early on in my vast period of unemployment, and during this time I was constantly locking my doors because I was terrified a serial killer would attack me.

Tonight, out of boredom due to the fact that I'd watched all of my comedies and reality shows, I started watching "V" because I like things with aliens in them. Now I'm terrified that I'll think everyone is a secret alien out to destroy me and, honestly, I'm not a huge fan of conspiracy theories (I prefer to think that I'm going to be ok and everyone's not out to get me). Also, does it gross anyone else out that the kid on there wants to bang an alien chick even though he knows she's an alien chick? I mean, come on, he doesn't know how old she is or if she even has regular lady parts! Now that's what I find most unbelievable.

Sigh. Well, I guess until Netflix puts all of Friends on Instant Watch, this is what I'm stuck with. Could be worse, I suppose. I could be watching the news.

Stomps from the Vent

Either someone's moving into the apartment above me or the building has suddenly expanded its pets policy from none to elephants.

Personally, I'm hoping for the elephants.

Friday, November 27, 2009

xkcd, this is why I love you.


I had forgotten entirely about the existence of Skifree until the moment I read this comic. Nostalgic sigh. Good work, xkcd, good work.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I'm thankful for all of you, for blogspot for giving me a forum to speak my truths, and for my family, friends, and boyfriend for encouraging me to share my thoughts with the world in the first place.

Hugs all around, team!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

What's the Deal with Cartoonists?

Why do they always draw a turkey, a watermelon and other improbable and unseasonal food in fridges?

I mean, usually I have some grated parm, apples, milk, leftover pizza, Smart Balance, peanut butter and jam in my fridge - and that's it. Because that's the way real people live - with enough supplies to make Annie's Reduced-Sodium Mac n Cheese and-or peanut butter sandwiches, because those are the only foods vital to my survival. Watermelons? Whole turkeys? I don't think so.

That's right, readers, I am a real person, a real person who is a very lazy cook. And I'm taking a stand for all of us against the big wigs in the SF (Syndicated Funnies).

On that note, to read some subversive, non-syndicated, non-The-Man funnies, do your anti-civic duty and check out Nate's Cartoons. Shout out!

Why are my neighbors so unpopular?

It's Saturday night at 9 PM and my internet is going crazy slow - and why is it ever crazy slow? Because other people are using it (not mine, personally, but presumably also Time Warner and therefore mine by proxy). Therefore, a large number of people in my building are at home right now.

Now I have a reason. I needed a nice break from the wild social life I've been leading all week. But, seriously, everyone? Come on, guys, get in the game! Go out! Please!

Because I'd really like to watch "Modern Family" and my Netflix Instant watch in uninterrupted peace.

Voice in the Vent

Unsurprisingly, the horse noises are back.

Actually surprisingly, after a particularly loud sheep noise, the voice responded, "Mom?"

I don't even want to know.

Dogs are Amazing!

Don't you agree?

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Puppies! Puppies! Puppies!


It's way too crazy of a week, so I've decided that everyone could use a little more puppy. Thanks, Daily Puppy!

Go, Up, Go!


Wouldn't it be great if it won Best Picture? Especially since WALL-E wasn't even nominated for Best Picture last year and it so clearly deserved it.

Annoying Alert!

Really, Hollywood, really? You're worse than an Ivy League school.

PS. Love this line at the end: "'We think that the contest is helping to dispel the myth that there's a lack of diverse writers in Hollywood," said Kimberly Myers, the director of diversity for WGA West." Myth?! This whole article is about how it is not a myth, but a shitty reality, and the contest is not designed to dispel a myth but to fess up ot it and fix the situation. Ugh, people are lame.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

The Things I Think About

(on the way home tonight)

1. A "Sleepys" ad on the front of a bus does not make me want to ride that bus. Why? Because nothing good can happen to anyone who is sleepy on a bus. If the rider's sleepy, he or she could fall asleep and miss the stop, or worse, fall asleep and get robbed while (s)he is sleeping, or worst, fall asleep, miss the stop, and get robbed. If the driver's sleepy, best case scenario is that makes it the worst ride ever, middle case scenario is that they miss a stop or run a red light or bump a parked car, worst case scenario is that everyone dies. So, Sleepys, all I'm saying is, I've got primo ad space on my bed frame. Just think about it.

2. PBS is trying to rip me off. Why? Because they think I'm stupid, too stupid to realize that they're lazy. I spent my entire subway ride home trying to read their ad for the new NOVA series "Becoming Human," about human evolution. Now, I can read (I know, I was shocked, too), but what I couldn't figure out was why the list of steps for how we became human changed for each ad. One had 9 steps, another had 11. So which did they forget in the ad that had 9 steps? I DON'T KNOW. They hid steps 5 and 11 behind the PBS logo in 2 of the ads. So while one ad had steps 1 - 9 clearly labeled, another had two mysterious steps that were shadowed out. The weird thing is, step 5 in the first ad was step 6 in the second ad, so it's like they wanted to make it seem like there were more steps, so they cover one up with a logo, but then since that step doesn't exist, they just move step 5 to step 6. AS THOUGH I WON'T NOTICE. Fools. It gets weirder, though, because the shadowed-out steps have half-drawings (each step is accompanied by a drawing cleverly illustrating the step) and even the first letter of the step there to fool you into thinking that step actually existed ("W"? W - what? Where are they going with this!?), but instead someone just designed two generic-looking drawings just so they would have a placeholder for the logo without having to think of 2 new actual steps. PBS, all I'm saying is, either think of 2 new steps, or just cover up the steps you had before - I don't know if you have a contract with the artist stating that you cannot cover up his work or something, but come on, I'm a smart person - I'm in on your scheme. Also, I definitely dabble in the graphic arts. And I work for cheap. Think about it.

Christmas Present, Please!

Thanks to Liz and The Daily Otter.

Happy Corgi Day!


Courtesy of the
Daily Puppy

Friday, November 13, 2009

Shout Out! Ghost Toast!

To steal from Liz's blog...

Check out Shira’s and Jake’s web series, Ghost Toast! It’s way awesome. Also, I’m in the first episode. Enough said.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Today's Adorable Grown-Up Puppy


That is what I thought was the headline for this cute little fella. Turns out it was actually "Adoptable" but I figure he's both. Look at his goofy face with his tongue lolling about and his ear flopped to the side! What is it about discordination that is so appealing? There's something about big ears and noses and expressions that make humans go crazy into adorable land, and how many romantic movies have the goofy, clumsy guy/girl as the romantic interest? But I wonder what the scientific reason why is? Shouldn't we, biologically, dislike imperfection?

When I was little, I'd always go for the stuffed animals with the splayed eyes or the ratty fur. I used to say I wanted the runt of the litter whether we were talking about kids (baby goats) or stuffed monkeys (though of course that could have something to do with the fact that I am the runt of my own litter, so maybe I was just projecting my own need for companionship onto them, who knows). What do you guys think? Why are we so attracted to physical (in looks and action) flaws?

PS. I was in IKEA the other day and there were signs labeling stuffed animals as "soft toys." What's up with that? Anyone? That's weird, right? Is this some sort of PC terminology for stuffed animals or is it just a Swedish thing?


Tuesday, November 10, 2009

You Know You're Not Working Hard Enough When...

... a Twitter account gets a CBS sitcom and you can't break 20 regular blog readers.

Team, we need to step it up a notch. Since I'm not very creative (obvs) I feel like if I just jam together all the things on the Internets that are making money nowadays we can really make start raking in the green. It's like adaptation for blogging, by blogging.

1) Obtain a wacky relative
2) Become a quirky foodie and attempt to make all of Rachel Ray's 30-Minute-Meals in one year
3) Read one (real! live!) newspaper a day for a year
4) Draw a stick figure comic all about love, life, and the nerdy, technical mishaps of playing with one's iPod Touch
5) Sell out 1 : sell my forehead for advertising and post one YouTube video a day wherein I wear the forehead accoutrement and say something that would be boring if I didn't have a silly slogan plastered above my eyebrows
6) Sell out 2: get a company like Tums to sponsor my blog and then constantly talk about the amazing heartburn relief I've been having lately
7) Post pictures of yummy sprinkles every day
8) Post pictures of adorable sea monkeys every day
9) Post pictures of disgusting-in-a-funny-way vats of lard
10) Hire a TISCH student as an intern to ghost-write my blog for me

What could go wrong?

Friday, November 6, 2009

Squirrelpocalypse Now: The Coming of the Squirrelmageddon

They've infiltrated our sports - and just listen to what the commentator says - how could he have learned the army crawl if he hasn't been training with his squirrel legions for a massive worldwide takeover? Riddle me that, America!

SHOUT OUT!

Comedy Festival Shmamedy Shmestival, that's my friend Michael!!!!

He made it!!... To the Comedy Central Insider's Blog's video about the NY Comedy Festival that he's blogging about for Caroline's (you can read all about him on michaelsmoleskin.blogspot.com or the Caroline's blog, whatever that is).

So go to about 1.5 min in to see him! He's the guy in the back with the green camera looking giddy to be standing so close to famous funnies. No worries, M-dogs, you, too, will be a famous funny someday. Here's hoping it's someday soon so I can ride your coattails to glory.

PS. CCIB's embed code is f'd in the a, so here's the link. Go to there!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Sesame Street + Google = Bugle?

From the Official Google Blog...


Of course, what I, as a former-math-nerd, was hoping for was an elaborate song about the noun "googol" as opposed to the verb "I google" (which I suppose for Cookie Monster's sake meant that he "googles" his eyes around because he as "googly" eyes. Though I'm not sure about that usage grammatically, it is always fun seeing him throw his eyes around like that). There wasn't even any mention of a "googolplex" or 1 x 10^100 (10^googol), my favorite number as a child, before Google even existed and hijacked the spelling.

Personally, I blame Google for my loss of interest in the mathematical world. I got so confused after "googol" became "Google" that I refused to deal with it anymore. So there you go, Google, thanks a lot. I coulda been a contender, a mathlete contender!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Awww...

Sometimes I love the world. I was just about to type in "How do you know if an apple has gone bad" because I wasn't sure about the one I was biting into, but in my handy Google search bar the suggestions were:

1. How do you know if a guy likes you
2. How do you know if a girl likes you
3. How do you know if your (grammar!!) pregnant (ick)
4. How do you know if you are in love? (AWWWW)
5. How do you know if you are pregnant (I like how poor grammar supersedes good grammar)
6. How do you know if your in love (GRAMMAR!)
7. How do you know when you are ovulating
8. How do you know if you love someone
9. How do you know when you are in love
10. How do you know if a boy likes you

I love that every single one of those has to do with the opposite sex, and that 4 out of 10 had the word "love" in them. Awww, world.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I Don't Want to Live on the Moon

One of my favorite songs from Sesame Street. If I could, I'd fall asleep to this every night, just to remind myself to be happy where I am, with the people I love.

You can watch it/search for it here at Sesamestreet.org.

Great Moments from "Ghostbusters"

1. Back off, man, I'm a scientist.
2. Listen! Do you smell something?
3. Are you serious about catching ghosts? - I'm always serious.
4. You've never been out of college! You don't know what it's like in the private sector - they expect you to produce things!
5. I believe we were destined to get thrown out of this dump (Columbia)!
6. Calm down, everyone has 3 mortgages nowadays.
7. I just worked out, see, I tape the 20 minute workout and then play it back at twice the speed so it only takes 10 minutes. It's a great workout.
8. Do you have any hobbies? - I collect spores, molds, and fungus.
9. Hey! It's Ray! I'm with Venkman! He got slimed! - That's great, Ray.
10. Don't cross the streams.
11. Nice shooting, Tex.
12. We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!
13. (Not a quote) Ray has a dream that a ghost gives him a BJ!? How did I miss that as a kid?
14. If there's a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe anything you say.
15. (Not a quote) I love that the bad guy is a dude from the EPA. Ha! As if they have any power.
16. (Not a quote) Staypuft is introduced in the 1st and 2nd scene with Dana - they're right next the incredible, edible, exploding eggs. Neat, huh?
17. I'm going to bring this up at the next tenants' meeting - there are not supposed to be any pets in the building! (also, Louis' accountant lingo when he introduces people to the party and to the food is hilarious - salmon from Novia Scotia for only $14.95 - that's amazing!)
18. You are so kind to take care of that man. You're a real humanitarian. - I don't think he's human (Egon).
19. I've seen TV, I know you can't come in here without a warrant or a writ or something.
20. (not a quote) LOVE how smoggy NYC was in the 80s. Seriously, it's like people were breathing garbage.
21. She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's my client and she sleeps above her covers - 4 feet about above her covers!
22. I gotta split. The mayor wants to rap with me about some things.
23. Yes, it's true. This man has no dick (scuffle) well that's what I heard!
24. Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria!
25. If I'm right, you, Lenny, will have saved the lives of millions of registered voters.
26. (Venkman to Peck(er))I'm gonna get you a nice fruit basket. I'm gonna miss him!
27. When we get to the 20s (floor) tell me. I'm gonna throw up.
28. Ok, so... she's a dog.
29. When someone asks you if you're a god, you say yes!
30. I tried to think of the most harmless thing... Mr. Staypuft.
31. Nobody steps on a church in my town!
32. We've been going about this all wrong. This Mr. Staypuft's ok. He's a sailor. He's in New York. We get this guy laid we won't have any trouble.
33. You're going to endanger our client, the nice lady who paid us in advance before she turned into a dog.
34. (not a quote) The shot of the incinerating marshmallow man, and the subsequent dropping of goo on top of Mr. Peck(er).
35. I feel like the floor of a taxi cab.
36. Ugh, it smells like BBQ'd dog hair. Oh, oh, Venkman, I'm sorry, I forgot.
37. Go check on that little guy!
38. Boy, the superintendent's going to be pissed.
39. We're the Ghostbusters. - Who does your taxes? - We'd like to get a sample of your brain tissue - Ok.
40. Let me tell you something, busting makes me feel good. (from the song)

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween!

Did you know that Sesame Street was invented on the same day in the same year as the Internet?


PS. Best Voice in the Vent ever - they're watching Ghostbusters and I can hear it all. I love life.

Happy Halloween!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Word of the Day

Piloerection (peel-o-erection) n. the chemical reaction associated with adrenaline which causes goosebumps.

Readers, please try to use this word in conversation at least once today. If you do this, I will be so happy!

This Looks Like Fun

So of course it was directed by someone from Pixar.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Holy Animation Day, Batman!

Today is International Animation Day. I just celebrated by watching an old Yogi Bear cartoon, though I wish I had time to watch WALL-E or possibly Lady and the Tramp.

What did you do (if you knew it existed, which I did not until about 10 seconds ago)?

Voice in the Vent

He's warming up! La la la LA la la laaaaaaa. Not bad, if a bit more operatic than Broadway, and we all know he wants to do Broadway.

Keep working on those high notes, buddy, and good luck on your audition today!

PS. If any of you see this man (recognizable by his, well, I guess just his distinctively loud-through-walls voice) and happen to be a casting director. Take him, please!

Squirrelmageddon: The Coming of the Squirrelpocalypse


They had already begun to dress like us. Now, they're infiltrating our royalty. Pretty soon President Obama will seem a lot shorter and a lot scrappier and there's nothing we can do about it.

Get in your bunkers now, readers!

Monday, October 26, 2009

What What, Halloween!?


Me = Bumper Car. Best excuse to annoyingly hit your friends all night and they can't do anything about it because you are a car and cars don't have feelings and can't understand English.

Perfect.

Job Hunting Tip #1

Do something, anything, for money - walk a dog, wash someone's flute, whatever, no amount of money is too small - because once you get that sweet, sweet cash, you get to restart your unemployment clock.

Suddenly you go from being unemployed for two months to being unemployed for two hours.

Live the dream.

Monday, October 19, 2009

If At First You Don't Succeed...

A reporter who knows how to keep his cool, even when up against the most formidable of opponents.

Spoiler Alert: This Would Be Awesome

How awesome would an east-west light rail be? And no cars in Times Square? Fuggedaboutit, that's sweet. They already shut down part of it and it's fine, so I say go for it, world! Oh, and do another light rail above Central Park, too, because it's a biz to get from one side of the island to another once you get past 59th.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Too Cute to Boot

Courtesy of the Daily Puppy... an adorable Border Collie mix.

Was this Supposed to be a Pun?

Maldives Government Dives for Climate Change.

Good article, pretty terrible headline. Either, a) write a good pun or b) make sure your headline doesn't include an unintentionally terrible pun.

I expect more from you, NYT.

Friday, October 16, 2009

What a Wacky Day

The voice in the vent has had a pretty eclectic day today.

1) I awoke this morning to him either pleasuring someone or pleasuring himself (ick)
2) He then went on a singing spree with songs I didn't recognize
3) Friends over in the early afternoon (are they all unemployed?)
4) Right now he's listening to "In the Arms of the Angel."

While the day started off with a bang (ew), it apparently has disintegrated into a "glorious sadness." I do hope he "finds some peace tonight," but I really hope I don't have hear when he gets "in the arms of" anyone else.

Happy News

I think we all need some happy news today. Enjoy.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Creativity At Its Best: Singing Fish Car

One day I'll think of something so nuts it will turn into You Tube (or in this case Vimeo) glory. Until then, enjoy a fish choir with a lobster conductor.

Fish on a Volvo - a look at the Sashimi Tabernacle Choir from Geeks are Sexy on Vimeo.

Monday, October 12, 2009

I am Seven

I just realized the easiest way to get me to remember to eat is by enticing myself with a tastier, but still healthy version of a regular meal.

Lunch A:
1) Turkey Sandwich
2) Side Salad
3) Diet Coke or coffee or some sort of grown-up beverage

Lunch B:
1) Peanut Butter on Toasted Whole Wheat Raisin Bread
2) Banana/Apple/Pear
3) Whole Wheat Chocolate Bunny Grahams

You can guess which one is mine (the one with food shaped like small mammals). So, while my lunch is pretty healthy (and totally cheap and organic), it still makes me much more of a seven-year-old than a twenty-two-year-old.

It probably also doesn't help that I'm watching cartoon Batman because Neil Patrick Harris is on as a singing villain, does it?

Sigh, I should probably get a job...

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Horse Trade

The whinny has been replaced by "Glee." I am appeased, but I should probably call off Animal Control...

The Voice in the Vent

A horse just whinnied through the vent.

I'm debating calling Animal Control or just hearing how this one plays out...

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Remember this? Nostalgia!

One of the many writing jobs I scanned through today requested a writing sample - fiction, specifically for teenagers - so I was going to scan through my old writing classes and see if I could find anything that fit (most of my stuff, to be honest, is by this point in screenplay form as opposed to novel-form, but whatevs), but the first file I came across was my old journal, which starts around sophomore year (2003) and runs up until this past December (2009). I'm an avid journaler, so this one is over 1,000 pages, but the first 100 are pretty hilarious. Among the many adolescent traumas and loves and angst and whatnot I noticed one great trend.

I repeatedly posted my AOL profile, the precursor to the Facebook/Myspace/Twitter/Etc profile. It's so wonderfully angsty and brilliant. Do any of you guys remember your high school profiles? Did any of you write a journal that you still have?

Also, what's up with writing jobs requiring writing samples? I'm not made of words!

... To be fair, I am mostly made of words. They stitched "Property of DTI" into my new kidney before stuffing it into my tummy. Some sort of branding opportunity or something, corporate sponsorship, you know the drill.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Stop it.


Stop it, Golden Retriever Puppies, just stop being so cute. Because one of these days I won't be able to help myself and I will steal one of you. And then I'll spend all of my (meager) earnings (and by earnings I mean savings since I am unemployed - er - "freelancing") on you and give up on finding jobs so I can play with you and then suddenly - spoiler alert - I won't have any money left and we'll both find ourselves living in a cardboard box near the puppy exchange at Union Square asking for pennies to pay for kibble. Do you want that, Golden Retriever Puppies, do you REALLY want that?



I rest my case.

Monday, October 5, 2009

You Can But You Can't But You Can

I just read an interesting article about Pro Bonson's book "What Should I Do With My Life?" which is basically a bunch of anecdotes from people about their careers and lives and how it all worked out. In it, the writer notes that none of the people who planned on doing a "practical" career first and then, after gaining enough wealth, switch to the career they always wanted.

For whatever reason - the comfort, the ease, the financial security, societal pressures, etc - they ended up stuck in that first position, too afraid to make the plunge into deeper waters. He suggests, then, that those stuck in this position, or those who, like me, have yet to choose a position, should just go ahead and plunge in head first and never look back. Once they're in up to their eyeballs, they'll realize they made the right decision.

What he doesn't account for, though, are all the people who, like many of my friends or comedians I know, had to do something - anything - for many years to earn enough money to live on while they pursued comedy or writing at night, almost as their second job. The difference, really, is a shift in focus. Instead of focusing on the day job, there's a focus on the night job. The day job is something you can take or leave. You have no attachment, or at least, no attachment too strong. So if you do have to leave it for a night job opportunity, you will. In that way, it goes along with this writer's "closed door" opinion, in that you turn your day job into a closed door - something that does not and cannot matter to you.

But what if you end up really enjoying your day job? What if, it turns out, you can funnel your creative energy into this position and feel satisfied at the end of the day? So that when you go to your night job, it seems less of a job and more of fun hobby. Suddenly, it's the one you can take or leave. I wonder how often that happens. And I don't mean someone "gives up." I'm not talking about some bitter dancer or film director who is still the host at TGI Fridays because they never got his or her "big break." No, the people who thought they wanted one thing, but then get swept into something completely different on accident.

In the end, I don't know which one I'll become - though here's hoping not the super depressed conciliatory person - but despite what the other writer said, I think the best attitude would be to keep all your doors open, because you never know all the places you can be happy.

Alright, Boys...

Who's man enough to step up and try this on for size?

I would be surprisingly fine with never having to biologically altering my hormone levels again. I'm just saying.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

For Your Consideration

While I know personally that poodles are the best dogs on the planet, I have long given up hope that my boyfriend will agree with me (despite how much he loves Sunny).

However, if I cannot prove to him that a poodle is the best, I believe I can prove that a poodle hybrid is nearly as worthy of the title. Therefore, I give you, for your consideration, Tigger, the Labradoodle.



Now, Tigger is a mini Labradoodle, but I'd settle for a standard Labradoodle, as well.

Some perks (all info courtesy of WeLoveDoodles.com):

Temperament: Very affectionate and loving.
With Children:
Excellent with children, they absolutely adore them.
With Pets:
Get along well with other dogs and animals.
Special Skills:
They love water and are natural swimmers and retrievers.
Care and Exercise:
Medium activity with average exercise needs (daily walking is recommended). Flat and wavy coats only need little grooming. Curly coats require regular grooming. Labradoodle’s coats repel moisture and dirt so baths are infrequent.
Training:
Easy to train.
Learning Rate:
Very quick to learn, extremely intelligent and confident, these dogs can be very clever.
Activity:
They are very active yet show no aggression to people or other dogs.
Living Environment:
In a home with a family, singles or an active older couples.
Life Span:
9 – 15 years

Some Flaws (but only sort-of-flaws):

Health Issues: Skin problems are the most common condition. But, overall, the Labradoodle is a very healthy breed.
Watch-dog: Not good, they need time and attention from their owners.
Guard-dog: Not good, they're too friendly.

Pretty sweet deal, am I right?

Is Flavor Flav the Billy Madison of This Generation?

Apparently, he is.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Movies = Commercials

As my friends said last night, "2012" is just a $100+ million excuse to make a/promotion for a really cool ride.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

POLL CLOSED! SQUEEZE-WEASEL DECLARED WINNER!

Thank you, readers. From beginning to end, you all have shown your love of the lemon-flavored squeeze-weasel, and I cannot say I am surprised. It's a hilarious nonsensical.

Also, great work, team, in shattering our previous record of 11 votes with a total of 14!

We're winning the fight! Virtual hugs all around!

Poodle My Noodle!

Just watch and let your mind be blown, world.

It's the Poodle. The World's Greatest Dog.

Oh, and yes, the dog they chose to star is not NEARLY as cute as my baby, Sunny, but I'll forgive them since they go on bragging about them for the rest of the time. And also, 11-12 years? Most poodles live until 13-14. I'm just saying. I love poodles.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Happy Birthday, Wallace and Gromit!


You make my life a happier, more animated place.

Pretty Kitty

Short, but so adorable. I want to be a kitty.

Uh... Neat?

Legit cool that it gets 12,000+ mi/gal, but does anyone know how to drive it? Or to even get inside of it? Also, did you guys see wheels? I have yet to see wheels, or airbags.

Monday, September 28, 2009

My Prius is My Spaceship



Seriously, let's all stop pretending and just say it, "the Prius is a spaceship." There's a reason my brother calls mine "the Pod." It's just that cool.

And no, mine doesn't have those features (it's an old-school Pri Pri) but it's still amazing.

Just Read This

I Love My Socialist Kidney.

My socialist kidney and I agree.

Tonight's Going to Be a Good Lip-Synch

Sometimes I feel like my life would be so much nicer if I was Canadian.



These guys are communications students at the University of Quebec in Montreal. Good job, kids.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Happy News

Remember when I told you I'd let you guys know about the happy news stories that are out there in the world?

Well, here's a great one.

Squirrelpocalypse: Coming of the Squirrelmageddon



Genetic birth defect my ass. This killing machine is the first success in a series of experiments the underground Ministry for the Militant Mini-Militia of Squirrels is running to create a race of Super Bionic Megatron Squirrel-Soldiers. Did you read the lines? NO FEAR.

Next they'll get two sabers, then spines on their backs like porcupines (or hedgehogs, whichever they can develop first), poisonous back toes like platypus, and finally the ability to spit radioactive ink like radioactive octopi.

It's happening, world. Get ready to fight.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

OMT (Oh My Thesis)

Clearly, I should have just stolen my thesis from Jonah. What was I thinking: "Hello, Wally! An Analysis of Mass Media's Ability to Communicate Substantively Within and Through the Film Wall-E"? What does that even mean? No, no, I should have gone with: "WALL-E is good because of the funny parts and the good parts. The end."

Jonah Reviews Movies, Episode Two: WALL•E from Ben Compton on Vimeo.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Adorable

I'd really hate to be the zookeeper (or, more likely, zookeeper's intern) who's charged with talking a terrified tiger down off a 15-foot ledge.

Apparently no one ever told the tiger that he was a freakin' tiger.

I'm Going to Have to Agree...

... this IS the coolest thing the internet has to offer.

Thank you, Brendon, for that awesome link. Also, check out Brendon's blog, My Five Year Plan. It's equally amazing.

We Did It!

We've broken our record for most people to vote on a poll - 12 is the new 11!! Now let's keep exploding this number into even bigger numbers, ok? Turn 12 into 21, am I right?? GO TEAM!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

You Know You Want It

Everyone, deep down, wants, for just one day, to star in their very own in-life musical. Don't agree?

Just imagine you're walking down the street and someone just starts singing for you, about you, and then everyone in all the shops and offices and street cars (yes, street cars exist again suddenly!) start singing for/about you and then BAM now you're this amazing singer and dancer and everyone's happy just for you and some hot guy is singing about how he's in love with you (if only you'd notice him!) and people pick you up and toss you and catch you and it's incredible.

I'm not saying I want to be in a musical (though that would be fun, too, you know, if I was talented), I just want to live one for one glorious day (birthday present, hint...?).

Monday, September 21, 2009

Unnecessary Technology

Aside from shock value (which would be cooler if the little squares moved really quickly instead of super slowly), how is this better than a treadmill?

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Squirrels on a Plane

Even I'll admit it. I didn't know the Squirrelpocalypse would begin in France or on scooters. I should have known. Now, it's too late.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Yet Another Puppy is Classier than Me


I love that Anastasia the Miniature Dachshund looks heroic in the face of great adversity, just like the real fictionalized version of Anastasia. Perhaps I can learn from her. I do feel oddly inspired to purchase a pink-hearted necklace...

Friday, September 18, 2009

Wallace and Gromit Are My BFF

Oh man, SO getting the DVD of this Wallace & Gromit short! If only I could work for Aardman and Nick Park...

Come on, Window Shammy!

VS
While Squeeze-Weasels still has a 2-vote lead, Window Shammy's fighting back strong with 3 votes!

Alright, readers, who's it going to be? Who will win this CATTLE OF THE PENITENTIARY?!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

It's the Muppet Show!

Some highlights from a Topless Robot post about the Top 10 Weirdest Muppet videos.



Funniest mass-bunny-murder this side of Niagra Falls. Also, why is Alan Arkin a monster?



Admittedly, this is way better than my 5th grade talent show audition, in which I sang this song a capella. I think my version was probably funnier, though, you know... in a sad way.



I'll never watch "Dr. Doolittle" the same way again... Oh, what am I talking about? Two-headed llama push-me-pull-yous and giant pink snails with flying moths? That was insane enough on its own. The ass-kicking and Muppet-fied animals is just a bonus. A big bonus.

The Voice in the Vent

Just thought everyone should know - the VITV is doing vocal warm-ups. He has a lovely voice, really. I wonder if he's getting ready to go to an audition or to get in the shower.

Ah, just heard his shower curtain pull close. That answers that question.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The Men Who Stare at Goats

The question isn't "Who's excited about this movie?" Because, spoiler alert, nigh upon everyone and their mom is.

The question is, "Who else is excited about this movie because it brings goats into the film-comedy world?" Because, double spoiler alert, I am thrilled.

Although I do hope it goes better than their action/family debut in Jurassic Park...

Awesome.


Nate's Cartoons is back! With the vengeance of a thousand zebras!

Monday, September 14, 2009

Please Don't Make Me Punch Your Face!

I've heard too many stories like this. I'm lucky I have a supportive family, because this could be me in 2 1/2 years if my plan of getting insanely rich by way of a top secret Puppy Brigade (and Circus?) falls through. I hope the Senate doesn't wuss out and keeps this provision in - it saves money, and, more importantly, it saves lives.

Also, looking for moral (and emotional) support, I scrolled down the online comments - WAY too many of them cite this as a reason not to support health care reform. But no worries, I've got a plan.

1) Start working for an insurance company, get way up there, like, Super CEO status
2) Find these people and punch them in the face repeatedly. I'm talking uber-bloody, turning their noses into face-powder.
3) Refuse to give them coverage, citing the "pre-existing condition" of an ass-kicking by yours truly
4) Refuse to let them into an ER, citing the "waste of money the uninsured are spending in our precious Emergency Rooms." Suck on that, fist-in-face misinformed!

So That's What Scarred Me For Life


While this article may sound interesting or "cool" to you, it's really just a revelation into the horrifying world of little 7-year-old Artful Stew, who loved the tiny, green lizards in her backyard. Loved them so much that she wanted to catch them, but all she caught was the tail, the horrifying, gyrating, flip-flopping tail.

When you're 7 years old, the last thing you want to do is rip off an animal's body part.

The last thing you want to happen if THAT happens is for said appendage to KEEP MOVING.

I refused to go into the backyard for weeks afterwards. And I still shiver when I think about it, twisting and turning...

Wire My Brain, Please


Because I want my old personal mental iCal like this woman. Steve Jobs, get your minions on this.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Friday, September 11, 2009

Remembering September 11, 2001

Shout out to Liz for posting this, too. I think it encompasses what a lot of us felt, and it still gets me.

Sorry I just have the link. The embed code is malfunctioning.

It's Go Time

Last night I dreamt I was in a war zone.

It started off simply enough, I was Trudy from Mad Med and Pete the d-bag had made us buy these new contacts. So, since they were stolen from the eyes of Colombians, the Colombians came and kidnapped us from our house (Dallas house, not Mad Men NYC house) and started a war on eyes with the U.S. We escaped with our eyes, just barely, but by then I was me again, and I had met up with some U.S. rebels and we were fleeing towards who knew where. We may have been off to my old high school as refuge, but I'm not sure.

Anyway, the enemy had set off some wicked shrapnel bombs. I don't even know if these things exist, but they're bombs that, when they land, just shoot off shrapnel everywhere, and there were thousands of these things going off in the area. We tried to dodge as much as we could, but after walking for about a mile or so after the first wave, I realized I had a horrible pain in my shoulder. That's when everyone saw that I had flimsy, burning tin-foil plastered to my shoulder. At that point, they peeled it off, which felt more pleasant, but a lot wetter and sun-burny, than a Band-Aid.

While we were trying to find an appropriate bandage (I am immunosuppressed after all, can't have a giant open wound!), we were ambushed first by bees, then by the enemy, and then by British soldiers sent to help. We went with them, and then I woke up.

So, President Obama, where's my Purple Heart?