Sunday, May 31, 2009

Nuts On a Plane

The woman sitting next to me on the plane today was a typical elite Dallas traveler:

All white clothing.
Big cashmere blanket.
White airplane slippers.
Fancy hardcover book.
Huge bag of gourmet mixed nuts: pistachios, almonds, hazelnuts, cashews.

I stared at my bag of peanuts, sunflower seeds, and raisins. I'm not saying it was bad. It was fine, but there weren't any almonds or pistachios or... I wanted that bag of nuts.

I decided to spend more of the flight sleeping than reading this time, so I wouldn't be sneaking peeks of her nuts. I did a good job. Until the very end of the flight.

We were all leaving, and, in perfect Dallas elite fashion, SHE LEAVES THE NUTS ON THE PLANE. At least half of the bag!

WHY!? I wanted them! I needed them! Nuts!

A less immunosuppressed Sasha would have taken them, but, regretfully, my better self got a hold of me and kept me walking out of the gate and out of the nuts' lives. Sigh.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

My Puppy Don't Mess Around

Because he loves me so and this I know fo' sho'! 

Mainly because he's adorable, huggable, lovable, and even enjoys holding my hand! 

I'll post a picture soon, but I have to admit that when balancing the lameness of doctor's appointments with the amazingness of getting to spend time with my puppy, the puppy comes out on top. Therefore, going home = worth it. 

Oh, and having super cable also doesn't hurt. 

It's good to be home.  

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


When I was single, my parents' friends always asked me why I didn't have a boyfriend.

Now that I do have a boyfriend, they ask why I'm not married.

By this logic, when I do get married, they'll ask why I don't have children, and when (ok, if) I have children, they'll ask why my children don't have children.

Will it never end!?

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Why I (Won't) Miss College:

Remember when I said that I'd miss the sex/masturbatory/music noises echoing through the paper-thin walls of my dorm room?

Apparently my apartment walls are just as thin. I'm extremely happy that I'll begin working next week so I won't have to listen to the mid-morning self-pleasure-fest that is part of my (unemployed?) neighbor's daily routine anymore.

So life after college isn't that different after all. Contented sigh.

Friday, May 22, 2009


Why is it that in every travel commercial, someone always has to wear an ascot?

Whether it's for a hotel (Fairfield Inn), an airline (JetBlue), or a hotel-airline service (Orbitz) there's always a chick wearing an ascot (or do they call them neckerchief's nowadays?) and I always think, "Who wears ascots? We're not living in the Scooby Doo '70s anymore!" (much as I might wish we were - oh, the days of talking dogs and mystery-solving that didn't involve CSI)

So what I'm saying is, unless your travel commercial is advertising a discounted time-space continuum jump to a parallel (or possibly perpendicular) universe where Scooby Doo exists in the real world and not just on TV/my dreams, nix the ascots, alright? Good.

Also, in my search for a suitable Scooby Doo picture, I came across this fun quiz: Ripped from the Headlines or a Plot from Scooby Doo? Try it! It's only 10 questions. I got 6 out of 10 right (should have followed my gut on a couple, others were a pleasant surprise!).

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Graduation Puppy!

Yanking life by the leash. No limits. Bright eyed and bushy tailed. I'm there.

PS. Now that I'm an adult-person, does this mean I can only check the Adult Puppy on the Daily Puppy from now on? If so, today's adorable corgi gives me cause for optimism.


I = college graduate, magna cum laude*, departmental honors*, with a degree in Bad Assedness.

Deal with it, World.

*I know that pointing out of my honors is a douchey thing to do, but come on, I had a kidney transplant. I deserve to brag on myself just this once. I promise I'll never do it again.

Commence Commencement!

Gah! Graduation! For realz! Cap and Gown! Diploma! FEELINGS!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Sigh, Nerd.

There are few people in the world that would get as excited as I did when I saw this article on the cover of the NY Times website today.

But what can I say? Human Species was one of my (many) favorite classes at Columbia. So looking at that crazy, scrunched up fossilized primate skeleton puts a happy little ending on an already happy day.

Oh, and Eric Holder rocks as a Class Day speaker. Fun, fun stuff.

Class Day!

Holy Crap! It's here!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Makin' It

Just got my final grade in college. It was my last major requirement, my last requirement needed to graduate. I'm on my way, ready for Class Day.


In These Hard Times...

We need more puppy pictures.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

King of the Beach

One has six-pack abs. The other a fuzzy coat and a knockout stud-walk. But only one can be: King of the Beach.

June 1, 2009: Beauty Competes the Beast.*

*Please feel free to suggest your own ridiculous catchphrases.

Stew of the Week: Mid-Week Update

My gracious sister just gave me a very Stew of the Week friendly book for graduation:

Babycakes: Vegan, Gluten-Free, and (Mostly) Sugar-Free Recipes from New York's Most Talked-About Bakery by Erin McKenna (owner and founder of Babycakes).

I'm totally stoked. Babycakes is absolutely delicious. Now that I live even relatively close to it, I had planned on going all the time, but now I can make their delicious treats at home, as well! And I can do fun variations for you folks in non-New York locations! It's going to be one tasty summer.

Thanks, sis!

SPF: Screen Me Up, Scotty!

This is how I've always felt about sunscreen, as well. I wish they had suggested the amount you need daily for your face, though, as that's what I have to cover all the time. I guess one of the few benefits of living in New York is that the sun isn't as strong as in other places, but I'm interested in seeing how well I fare this summer now that I'm "at-risk" (damn you, immunosuppresants!). Apparently, in addition to my sunscreen regimine, I may need to invest in some wide-brimmed hats. I'm fine with that pending the wideness of the hat doesn't encompass me entirely (with someone so small, it just might. These are the things I have to consider).

I'd also like to note that last night I had a dream that I was wearing a tankini in a completely inefficient way to hide my scar. I think it's because a friend and I were discussing how inadequate tankini's are in covering up excess pudge. I mean, they cut off right where your pudge, or in my case scar, would be. Apparently, though, my subconscious needed to confirm this discussion in dream form. Dream agreed. Tankinis are lame.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Things the DJ Might Have Said Late Night:

1) Who was born in 1987!? Or just the 80s in general!? Shout!
2) Who likes 80s music!? Who likes 90s music?! Who likes music!? Let's listen to some music!!
3) Who's graduating!? Make some noise!
4) Whose birthday is this month!? What! What!
5) Who likes milk!? Yeah!
6) Gotta chicken in your mouth!? Hey!
7) Can do the who-da-what-ho?! Ye-Yeah!
8) You see your best friend? You see your girlfriend? Since 9th grade? Give 'em a squeeze! Bring 'em in close! Just like that, ladies! Don't stop now! MmHmm!
9) Who likes this song?! Make some noise! I'm just gonna keep talking over this song now! Yeah! Let's all sing along to this song that I'm speaking over! What! What!
10) Who drives a carpool?! Cool!
11) Kittens jumbalaya! Ok!

Senior Ballin'

How Columbia Actually Got Something Right: Senior Ball.

1) Free food all night, and when they said "hors d'oeuvres to dessert" they didn't just mean "hors d'oeuvres and dessert" they meant tons of delicious, vegetarian and non-vegetarian goodies for all! I know I ate my $100 worth.
2) The only thing they ran out of was chocolate-covered strawberries, but there were chocolate-covered bananas as backup.
3) The place was huge and gorgeous, with big tables where people could eat and chill, but also a big dance floor for boogieing.
4) Everybody looked so pretty! And they clearly didn't take that stupid "black suit only" rule seriously since some guys showed up in gray pinstripes. Also, more hilariously they didn't take the "no miniskirts" rule seriously since a number of girls showed up looking like classy, leopard and tiger-print prostitutes. And what's a party without classy prostitutes?
5) The vast majority of friends in my grade were there. And we danced and had fun and it was great.
6) They let in my (very sharp looking) non-CU boyfriend - phew!
7) The DJ was terrible, but in a hilarious way. He would only play about 45 seconds of each song and then just shout things over that, but I still danced and it was still awesome.
8) Most importantly, it made me realize (like I have many times and then forgotten) that I will miss CU and all my friends even though I will still see most of them after I graduate. Just not in the same college-y kind of way. Sigh.

Aw, nostalgia. In the good way.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Why I'll Miss College:

I cannot figure out what is going on in the room next to mine. It's like someone is having wild, crazy, silent sex or they're jumping on the bed, ramming the bed into the wall, working out on a stairmaster/treadmill, or just doing insane kickboxing exercises that involve repeatedly hitting the wall. It's getting rather frustrating.

I banged on my side of the wall with the side of my fist a bunch though and yelled "Quit it!" and that seems to have switched him/her to play loud rock music instead, which I am surprisingly fine with.

Bring Back Sick Days!

I can't agree more with this article.

I feel like people and companies don't understand the consequences of employees coming to work sick.

1) You can't work at quickly or efficiently.
2) You'll stay sicker longer.
3) You'll infect other workers.

These three effects lead to worse effects: an overall reduction of productivity and completed (good) work by the first person, the spreading and repetition of a disease that will continue to have lasting effects on productivity on all workers, and reduced morale overall.

If they had let that one person take one or two sick days, they can make up their work when they've healed and are not contagious. Also, they'll heal a lot faster if they're at home resting than pushing themselves at work. No one else's work will suffer. Everyone will be happier and feel like they're entering a safe working environment. There are literally no down sides.

I can't tell you how important it will be for my future office to maintain a "go home!" policy. I, specifically, am a person who cannot now nor will ever afford to get sick. I need to make sure my work environment can help me achieve continue to live safely.

What can you do to help? Talk to your employer about your company's policy. Politely ask a coworker to take the day off. Don't go to work when you're sick even if you feel pressured to by your boss or coworkers. In the long run, you'll be doing everyone a favor.

Get Real

Is it just me, or does the Sims character to the far left look like a snarky Sarah Palin?
All I'm saying is, can we please keep real-world politics out of our virtual-world simulations? The virtual politics are difficult enough to deal with as is! Seriously, how many times do I have to feed these things in order to keep them from dying and/or revolting en masse French Revolution style? Sigh. This game makes me understand Machiavelli so much better.

I Love Him Too Much!

His eyes are too big and he is too small and too fluffy for me to hold out much longer. Please somebody adopt him before I call the number and get him and suddenly abandon all obligations to anything else besides loving him, squeezing him, scratching his tummy, and holding his soft puppy fur up against my cheek.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


This is how it began. Why am I not surprised, yet still disgusted?

Which do you think I would have been stoned to death for 35,000 years ago in Germany? Beating my village's elders upside the head with this figurine, write a sketch about said figurine, or made my own, more awesome figurine?

Probably all of them. In which case, I would come up with the sketch in my head first, then beat my elders with the sculpture, duck in the woods for a while with the figure in tow, recarve the figure to my own choosing using woodsie materials, and then bring it into a nearby hamlet as a peace offering. Yes, that's precisely what I would have done.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Stew of the Week


Ok, so there is no such thing as a pepper-apple, but in my quest to find a way to eat vegetables cheaply, on-the-go, and without making me want feel bleck (I really, really do not like vegetables in most forms), I have decided that a great way to eat a sweet pepper is like an apple. Why? How? What good does it do? Here we go...

1) Good for you? Sweet peppers, red and yellow are my favs, have tons of Vitamin C and A as well as a good amount of fiber, and not too much sugar, either.
2) Why Them? More importantly, they don't taste like vegetables because, well, they're fruits. Fortunately for us, in the "culinary" sense they're considered vegetables, just like strawberries are considered fruits (but are really vegetables!) so we can still say we're eating our veggies even though they're sweet and delicious.
3) How? Peppers are apple-sized and as easy to wash as apples, so shove them under the faucet, then either a) split them in half, gut the seeds, and enjoy or b) take a bite and spit any seeds out. Either way, delicious! Plus now you can have pepper-seed-spitting contests - that'll make you really popular with the boys/ladies!
4) In a Rush? Pepper on the go! Quick energy, vital nutrition, just like an apple, but with a little less fiber, a lot less sugar, and a lot more vitamins. Not that you shouldn't eat apples. Apples are great! But eating peppers in addition to apples is also a good idea.

The basic gist of this week's Stew is that, well, it doesn't matter how you eat right so long as it works for you. If you don't feel like making a salad, then why not eat a pepper like an apple? As long as you're getting the nutrition, your body will be happy. And that's the most important thing.

Happy Stewing!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day!

Mom's are awesome. I love 'em.

Even if they aren't there for you in person, it's nice to know that they're always there for you in spirit.

So give your mom a squeeze or a call or a card or just think about her, because she totally gave birth to you, and I bet that was really painful. Not to mention the subsequent years she spent caring for you and junk. For realz.

Stew of the Week

(Healthily?) Eating Free Food in College: The Ultimate Dilemma

Ok, so it's hard enough to eat even remotely healthily in college, but it just gets worse when they toss tons of free, (sometimes) delicious, totally not even disguised as healthy food in your face all the time. It's even harder when you're a graduating senior and you know you'll never get this kind of treatment again. Unless you work on a TV/film set, in which case, good luck with that.

So, here are some tips to, again, attempting to eat healthily despite the free college food overabundance.

1) If you know that there's only going to be unhealthy stuff, you haven't eaten in a few hours, and you honestly don't think you'll be able to only eat "a little," then just don't go. "Forget" when the event is, and just do something else that's fun.

2) If it doesn't taste fantastic, don't eat it. This, for me, is one of the hardest, because I'm always like, "But it's FREE!" Who cares? If it's a mediocre, plain bagel instead of a kick-ass, whole wheat one, why eat it?

3) If it is F'ing delicious, totes eat it. If, in whatever zany twist of fate, your school has brought to you something that tastes like ambrosia, eat it! Clearly, this is not a food you get often and it's super great, so enjoy it now and eat extra healthy for the next few days.

4) Go on a full stomach. Don't go to the event hungry. Go after a legitimate meal, preferably, or at least a good-sized snack if you have time for much else. If you're full, you at least won't have hunger cravings in addition to just "I want that!" cravings.

5) Try and find out beforehand what kind of food they'll be having, so you know what to expect and if you should even bother. If it's just donuts and coffee and you don't drink coffee but you LOVE donuts, definitely avoid the area or make sure you've eaten a ton and don't have anything to stash a donut away in. Just enjoy one there and get out ASAP.

6) Differentiate between legitimately healthy foods and "healthy" foods, so you'll know what to eat/avoid when you're there. Here are some tips: if the food they've got is something you know is healthy usually but you a) don't like it that much and b) it's been prepared in a totally unhealthy way (i.e. lots of cheese, mayo, butter etc) then you'll know it's a poser and pass, but if you do like it a lot and it was healthily cooked, you're set!

Good luck guys. Just keep thinking: we're almost out of for the summer: no more loud parties and musicals. Although, you have to admit, the loud parties and musicals were pretty fun.

Aparment Move-In Tips:

1) Building IKEA furniture by yourself is not recommended unless that object is a small to medium-sized lamp.

2) Do not build furniture during the following times: after a hard day's work, when you are in a rush, when you are in a bad mood, when you lack the proper tools or tool-substitutes, late at night if you have to wake up early the next day, when you really would rather do anything else than build furniture.

3) Avoid allowing either yourself or your building partner to do most of the work. It will lead to an un-fun mixture of resentment and guilt. Better both your backs hurt and you both get back rubs than a one-way exchange.

4) Follow the instructions to the best of your ability, but don't get bogged down when you/IKEA f's up every now and then. It happens. As long as your furniture can still do it's job, you're good.

5) And this is the most important: make it fun. Make fun of the weird Swedish omni-sexual people on the instructions. Make fun of the fact that there are no words to go with the instructions. Try to think of everyday metaphors that you can equate to building in an entertaining way (i.e. sexual innuendo!). Think of it as time to chat with a good friend or a good upper-body workout or even just one of the few times in your life when you're building something that you will use everyday. Hey, that's neat.

Happy building, everyone, and let me know if you need an extra lamp... I may have one or two too many.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Squirrelpocalypse Now: Squirrelmageddon

I keep telling you guys. It's coming.

Today I saw a squirrel carrying twigs and brush in his mouth. Twigs and brush. Since when do squirrels build nests? Since now. They're starting to take on bird-like habits in order to get in good with the bird world and learn how to fly.

Why? You tell me.

Ok, I'll tell you why. So they can start dropping bombs on us humans. Squirrel bombs.

If you haven't already dug your underground squirrel-proof bunker, I suggest you start now.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

To Lighten the Mood:

Roland and I will become kindred spirits this Friday as I assemble the remainder of my IKEA furniture.

Sometimes I feel like the cow. Sometimes I feel like the artist.
Sometimes I feel like the buyer.
Only occasionally do I feel like the disgusted passerby.

Monday, May 4, 2009


Flying to Dallas tomorrow for the funeral on Wednesday. I'll be back to posting by Thursday.

Sunday, May 3, 2009


I apologize for not posting yesterday, but currently I'm mourning the loss of an amazing grandmother. I'll start posting again tomorrow or Tuesday.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Why I'll Miss College:

Overheard as I was walking back into my dorm:

(Super drunk, scantily clad girl): I'm really not that drunk
(Holding his liquor well, jeans and hoodie'd boy): Yes you are.

Stumble. Catch. Instantaneous love (or drunken lust) electrifies the now-couple. Someone's getting some form of booty tonight.

Wistful sigh.