Scientific American is trying to bribe me into buying their magazine by promising me that they can Help (Me) Fall and Stay in Love and make sure I'm one of the Happy Couples who know all the Secrets to a Long Marriage.
First, they give me these headlines - promises, indeed! Then, they let me read a preview that assures me that, yes, they do have the answers but stops before they tell me any of them.
And then? Do I get to read it? NO! They want me to buy the magazine first. Absurd!
The bastards. What are my boyfriend and I supposed to do now? Figure it out for ourselves!? We're not that smart! And we don't have enough money to buy your fancy scientific magazine!
So why do half of all marriages end in divorce? Because Scientific American is a magazine filled with greedy, greedy love secret hoarders.
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