Things I Have Learned from Sugar-Induced Dreams

1) When you are driving a car that is made up entirely of an accelerator, a brake, a steering wheel, and a chair with no body and no wheels, you must be very sure that the brakes are working. Otherwise, it is very difficult to drive.

2) Film companies love to watch Oscar-style tribute videos of themselves, especially while on set in the middle of a shoot.

3) If you interrupt one of these videos, the angered crew will lock you in a very hot truck in the middle of a Texas heat wave. Make up to them by 'friending' them on Facebook.

4) Running gags are not always funny. This is generally the case when a running gag consists of repeated variations on your demise.

5) On the day before your first big date with a boy you like very much, you will discover that he is in fact not a person at all, but a robot with a human-face. He will rip it off in front of you ala the big reveal on a Scooby-Doo episode. You will cry but also wonder if his face is reattachable. And if he has humanoid junk in his pants.

6) When you are a realist, trying to fly in a lucid dream can be exceptionally difficult and somewhat dangerous. My tip: start from the ground and work up. Do not, under any circumstances, start at the edge of a tall building. Also, be really sure you are dreaming.

7) A tree is not a person, no matter how many times you try to turn it into one.

Bonus (for the Harry Potter fans out there): Yes, I can say from multiple experiences that flying on a broomstick and fighting Lord Voldemort with Harry and "the gang" is just about the coolest thing in the world. Also, Quidditch can be really painful when you are bludgeoned repeatedly with the Bludgers, but is totally worth it.