Why are my neighbors so unpopular?

It's Saturday night at 9 PM and my internet is going crazy slow - and why is it ever crazy slow? Because other people are using it (not mine, personally, but presumably also Time Warner and therefore mine by proxy). Therefore, a large number of people in my building are at home right now.

Now I have a reason. I needed a nice break from the wild social life I've been leading all week. But, seriously, everyone? Come on, guys, get in the game! Go out! Please!

Because I'd really like to watch "Modern Family" and my Netflix Instant watch in uninterrupted peace.