Why I'll Miss College:

Overheard in the mysterious room that is "next" to mine but not in the same suite...

(Sung by a male voice a capella to "I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls)

"Oooh, I want you.
I don't want anybody else.
When I think about you,
I masturbate.
Ooooh!"

(Repeat with pause for giggles. His, not mine.)

These lyrics certainly seem to coincide with my image of the boy who lives across the wall, as I generally do hear a rhythmic "thump-thumping" of a bed in the mid-morning and occasionally evening hours, and yet I never hear another voice in the room.

Sigh, good ol' college!